Hold On
by f U n N i E b O n E s 2K
Summary: QWxDC // Dorothy and Quatre carry on a long distance relationship in which goodbye is no longer an option. "She should have said goodbye and shut him out of her life forever..."


_Disclaimer: I don't own GW. I don't own Hold On __either. _
    
    Hold On _belongs to the Side A band. _
    
    __
    
    Hold On
    
    -
    
    "Miss Catalonia, here are your letters," a middle-aged woman of thirty-three said to Dorothy as she passed a silver tray to her. 
    
    The daily routine consisted of the receiving the letters, taking the calls and finishing paper work. Everyday, this went on. 
    
    The silver tray contained three letters.
    
    "Thank you, Penny. That will be all," she replied in her monotone voice. She rummaged through the papers, like her daily routine, not showing much care.
    
    Not showing much care, for all...except one.
    
    Stunned, she absentmindedly placed the other letters back on the silver tray. She looked at the letters with her full concentration.
    
    Unlike the other two, her name was handwritten on it. The others had her name neatly printed by a typewriter or a computer.
    
    She traced her name with her fingers, and carefully flipped it. She reached for the envelope opener and pulled the letter from the envelope. Carefully, she read the contents of the letter.
    
    _Yes it's you   
    
    You're the one in my life   
    
    I've known from the start that it's you   
    
    I'd spend my life forever with   
    
    So please, hold on with me_
    
    The letter was short, but she believed that the content mattered more than the length. She wondered why he just didn't call her, but she deemed that it would be easier that way.
    
    That was quite sweet of him to write though.
    
    He was always off to some place, and she never really knew where he was.
    
    The day he wrote that letter, he was in New York City.
    
    _'Why does our relationship have to be compromised this way?'_
    
    At nights, she would think of the days that they have spent together...and the days that they spent apart.
    
    It's funny how life turned out this way for her. 
    
    It was expected of her to be courted by much older, rich men. She twisted their words and let them walk away in disgust. 
    
    It was expected of her to be tangled in an arranged, loveless marriage. 
    
    She was neither in an arranged nor loveless marriage. She wasn't even married at all. 
    
    ...But she was jumbled up in a clandestine affair.  
    
    She would have loved to be seen with him. She wanted, so badly to walk with him in the city, unnoticed, like regular couples. 
    
    "They would never understand us...they would never understand how we feel...but this will be all over, I promise," the letter said.
    
    He was right. No one but them could understand. 
    
    She ran her hand through her hair, realizing that if he decided to call her, it would be hard for her to say goodbye.
    
    It was better this way.
    
    But it her heart of hearts, she could not think of a reason why it was better that way for them.
    
    Sure, it was to save everyone else from the truth, but wouldn't the two of them be hurt more once the truth is out?
    
    _'His friends never understood me anyway.'_
    
    They should never have fallen in love.
    
    She should have said goodbye and shut him out of her life forever. Now, even considering saying goodbye to him nearly killed her. 
    
    Goodbye was no longer an option. 
    
    Now they've dug such a deep ditch that there's no way out anymore.
    
    She couldn't live without loving him, but she was not allowed to live her everyday life with him.
    
    Their lives were complicated already.
    
    _You know   
    
    ...So well that we can't last a day   
    
    ...Without each other you're all I have   
    
    ...And I'm all that's there to keep you going_
    
    Come to think of it, life was easier that way.
    
    She hated change. She wanted everything to remain constant, her life forever the same.
    
    She thought how her life would have been if they never came to be.
    
    A few times every year, she would come see him.
    
    _Hold on   
    
    Just keep on holding on   
    
    ...It may not be for long   
    
    Just keep on holding on with me_
    
    She thought that he should never have pushed for this relationship. She tried, so hard, to refuse his love and to deny herself of his love and of loving him. She admitted that neither of them needed it at that time…but now, things were different.
    
    She recalled back to the day...
    
    _"You know that this is wrong and unsuitable for both of us. We can't carry on a lie," she whispered to him, under that tree where they had meetings._
    
    _"...A lie that you don't love me or a lie that you do?" he was beginning to challenge her. _
    
    _"But I do care for you, and because I do, I have to set you free. As children with cumbersome duties, we have to make our families happy by fulfilling the expectations that they have set for us...do you understand?" _
    
    _"No, I don't...but you believe that we just have to let each other go?"_
    
    _She said nothing, but only looked down in reply._
    
    _Defeated, he sighed, and turned around to walk away. _
    
    _Her eyes snapped up, and she rushed to stop him. _
    
    _He looked at her expectantly. _
    
    _"This is all that means to me. And if you are happier with me than being free to pursue a life of your own, then I will be too."_
    
    _"You know more than anything that I would forsake everything to pursue a life with you...we can also pursue the ideal lives without forsaking each other." _
    
    That started it all. 
    
    It was what kept her holding on to her miserable life...
    
    …The hopes of having forever with him.
    
    _'But how long must we pretend that we have nothing for each other, when each other is all we really have?'_
    
    She made a lot of money thanks to her family's connections, but that all didn't matter the minute she stopped denying and refusing herself of him.
    
    _Hold on   
    
    Just keep on holding on   
    
    ...It may not be for long   
    
    Just keep on holding on with me_
    
    There have been others…temptations, attractions…
    
    …Even lust.
    
    She came so close to forgetting about him on a few occasions.
    
    _Funny how   
    
    ...We both show that we don't care_
    
    No one could compare to the one and only _him._
    
    What was it that separated _him _from the others? She was the man she never would have loved in the first place.
    
    When she first met _him,_ she believed that he was weak, pathetic and feeble.
    
    Now, it was him who made her feeble and pathetic without his presence.
    
    Some nights, she cannot help but cry because of what the fates do not allow them to have.
    
    How can such a meek, docile individual overcome a bitter and malevolent woman?
    
    _But deep inside the thing that matters   
    
    ...Is to have you by my side_
    
    What kept her holding on and fighting was the fact that she believed in them.
    
    If it was not meant to be, if it never came to be that way and if they had both parted ways so long ago, they wouldn't be there. They would have led separate lives with different loves, different paths and different outlooks on the past, present and future.
    
    If it was not worth saving back then, if it was not worth the struggle, or even the attempt, then why did they come to be the people that they are now?
    
    It was because, it was meant to be. It was worth trying back then, and it is still worth that endeavor now.
    
    At least the fates did allow that to happen.
    
    And no matter how she blamed the fates for keeping them apart, she was very thankful that he was chosen for her.
    
    That fact had made all the difference in the world to her.
    
    _Let the tears   
    
    Roll down, that's okay_
    
    She often thought of the brighter future they could _possibly_ have together. She wanted simple things that common people have, and she wanted to trade the life she had now with the life that she has always visualized.
    
    However, day by day, that future seemed even more impossible. Day by day, little by little, the hope would disappear.
    
    The expectation would turn into hope, the hope would turn into chance, and the chance would then transform to dust.
    
    …Until the day of their sacred meetings come again.
    
    A few moments with him renewed the chances into expectations again.
    
    One look at him, she knew that she would even spend forever hoping for that life she wants with him.
    
    Somehow, deep in her heart, she knew that she wouldn't be holding on for long anymore.
    
    _Because tomorrow no one's going away   
    
    ...Just let this be   
    
    And hold on with me   
    
    Hold on with me_
    
    No matter how many times she has denied relations with him in public, and how many times she has masked her emotions, she still knows that he was all that mattered.
    
    The tears shed and the time spend in agony without him epitomized the real feelings for him.
    
    _Hold on   
    
    Just keep on holding on_
    
    "You saved me, Quatre…and I will keep holding on to what we have…" she solemnly promised.
    
    A single tear trickled down her cheek.
    
    Wiping her tear away, she reached for the intercom to call her secretary.
    
    "Penny, I need to go to New York, there's a concern that needs my attention," she firmly said.
    
    After all, she was the one, who started this façade, now she must end it.
    
    She would rid herself of all the proper behavior, conduct and manners that bound her…
    
    Why did she care about what people thought about her when they thought ill of her already in the first place?
    
    _It may not be for long   
    
    Just keep on holding on with me_
    
    _--------------------_
    
    Three years later...
    
    Christmas Eve
    
    Germany
    
    -
    
    Dorothy set up the three stockings up on their family fireplace. One stocking held Quatre's name, the second hers, and the third, little Harry's. 
    
    She took a step back and sighed, looking at the stockings with joy. Quatre was no Christian, but he decided to celebrate Christmas anyway. 
    
    Quatre decided to take them to a secluded lodge in a small city in Germany. He wanted this Christmas to be quaint and simple, just like his dreams. 
    
    This was their first child's second Christmas. She hoped a second one would join them next year.  
    
    So much has happened in the few years...But she never could have been there if she didn't fly to New York City three years ago. 
    
    Quatre emerged from the bedroom, with his son. 
    
    Dorothy's eyes suddenly lit up like a sunburst and walked to meet her son and her husband. 
    
    "Did he just wake up?" she asked lovingly, as she kissed Harry on the forehead. 
    
    "Yes, when I came to check on him, he was on his bed, waiting to get out," he replied.  
    
    "I wonder where he gets his stamina..." 
    
    "Maybe he will be good at fencing one day," he replied, grinning. 
    
    She then smiled, and wrapped her arms around his waist. 
    
    "I love you Dorothy," he said softly. 
    
    Without replying, she kissed him, gently. 
    
    "Words cannot express how much I love you too," she whispered.
    
    Without her hope, or without the strength and courage she used to hold on, she never would have had this picture perfect Christmas. 
    
    Everything that she has always wanted was hers now.  

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